


everglow✨

by nakimdoyu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Grim Reapers, Guardian Angels, JohnDo, JohnYu, M/M, Minor Character Death, Swearing, johnhyuck, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-12 13:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17468615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakimdoyu/pseuds/nakimdoyu
Summary: Johnny and Yuta were the complete opposites - both literally and figuratively, both in this life and in the past.





	1. losses

**Author's Note:**

> The ISAC 2019 shenanigans made me pledge to contribute to the JohnYu nation.
> 
> So, here we are!

As the last speck of the dust flies off of his hand, the wailing of a baby starts to echo in the labour room. Johnny smiles fondly at the beautiful noise.

It’s only his third task but he’s decided that the Life mission is his favourite, though it’s a rare assignment for those of his level. It’s not that he hates the other three, he would jump at the mention of a Save mission, but this one just feels a tad bit special - he gets to watch the first moment of a mortal’s life unfold, the crack of a genuine smile on the mother’s face, and a literal change in the world.

It’s magical. It makes _him_ feel special. 

 

He stays and watches as the nurse gently places the baby in the mother’s arms. She’s cooing, hands careful while cradling the bundle of joy close to her chest, tiny fingers poking out of the cloth. Her eyes are tired - after being in the labour room for a little over five hours now, with three out of the 300 something minutes being Johnny fumbling with the stardust bottle and even spilling some of it on the floor - but they still sparkle the most beautiful glint. Even more so with her tears welling up, just like Johnny’s.

He’s such an emotional sap and Doyoung would _never_ miss the chance to tease him about it. Within the three years he’s spent serving, he’s picked up the habit of people-watching right after completing his task of a mission. He loves the reactions of the mortals, enjoys picking apart what someone is feeling from their facial expressions, their body language, and the energy they radiate. He _loves_ empathising. It makes him feel _alive_ , something he’s anything but.

Blinking away the single tear that is threatening to escape, he wills himself to not cry.  
  
  
_Doyoung can’t know about this. He would never let me live._  
  
  
His train of thought is halted upon registering a presence on the other side of the delivery bed, a man dressed in black from head to toe, a hat a little too big, almost covering his whole face. _How long has he been there?_

But what startles Johnny the most is how the man has the baby’s big toe held between his thumb and the curl of his index finger - immediately giving away two things; who he is, and why he’s here.  
  
  
A reaper, reaping.  
  
  
Johnny has never encountered a reaper before - all credits to the level system - let alone interacted with one. Only Guardians in the level three and up are able to see reapers as their tasks require interactions between the two parties, and levelling up requires an outstanding accomplishment in their service and recommendations from the higher-ups. Which is why Johnny is a little dumbfounded.  
  
  
_Am I qualified for a level-up?_  
  
  
But the scene unfolding right before his eyes doesn’t let the question linger for too long.

 

Word on the street allows him to have a general image of what a reaper would look like. And this man would check all the boxes on Johnny’s list, that is if he ever had one.

Never in a million years did he expect that his first encounter with a reaper, would be in this very situation they’re in - while they’re both in the middle of their own _tasks._ So, he panics.  
  
  
_Why is he reaping the baby? I literally just blew the baby to life!_  
  
  
But he knows full well how much of a say he has in this matter - none.

As a delicate white string is pulled out of the baby’s toe, Johnny flinches. Suddenly, the room falls silent, save for the soft breathing of the mother. But not for long as she starts panicking, the doctor and nurses follow suit, and the screaming eventually turns into crying.

In just a span of a few seconds, Johnny sees different kinds of emotion painted on the faces of different people within the labour room. The head nurse is evidently panicking as she separates the baby from the mother. The doctor looks confused, desperate as he racks his brain for any possible answer to the obvious question - _what is going on?_ The other two nurses are moving around too much for him to pinpoint exactly what emotions they’re displaying.

On a whim, he turns to the only other presence in that room whose emotion he hasn’t examined; the reaper, who’s already turning on his heel, ready to flee the scene. But Johnny still manages to catch a glimpse of his face even with that big hat being in the way. And he’s...stoic?

How can he be so stoic after _that_? He just took away a newborn from the mother and now he’s leaving like that?  
  
  
_No way!_  
  
  
With his mind whirling, he runs after the man before managing to pull him by the shoulder two steps out of the room and into the hallway.

“Wait, what was that?!” Johnny asks with a tone too high even for his own liking.

The other man's eyebrows furrow, paired with a piercing gaze, clearly not amused by the question. “What was what?” is his reply as he pulls away from Johnny’s touch a little too aggressively, as if Johnny has hurt him. Or maybe he did?

 _“That?"_ Johnny emphasised with a nod and a thumb pointing in the direction of the door they just walked out of, hoping for it to be an enough explanation of what he meant.

Rolling his eyes, the male turns his body to fully face Johnny before answering, “Look, I’m a reaper. I think you can figure that out yourself.”

And then he walks away without sparing Johnny another glance.  
  
  
_So, he is a reaper._

 

\--

 

The chilly wind bites at his cheeks as he pushes the metal door shut behind him. It’s only three days into November but winter seems to be approaching fast, probably arriving earlier than expected.

Johnny scans the rooftop, expecting to see a particular figure - the same dressed-in-all-black figure he encountered downstairs about ten minutes ago - whom he guessed would have made his way up here. Taking one, two, and three steps forward, he spots _him_ , sitting on the bench right in the middle of the rooftop, head leaned back with his eyes closed.

The hideous hat is sitting right next to him on the bench, a mop of hair in the prettiest shade of lilac on full display. It’s slightly dishevelled with the evening breeze combing softly through the strands. He looks so serene like this, a huge contrast to how he did just outside the labour room.

Johnny is charmed, and he’s staring - out of curiosity.  
  
  
_Why did he come up here? What is he thinking? How does he manage to remain so calm? Are reapers meant to be this beau-_  
  
  
“If you’re still angry about the baby, get over it. We all have a job to do,” a voice snaps him out of his trance, making him jump a little. He didn’t expect the reaper to notice his presence.

“M-me?” he stutters, looking at the other male for confirmation, but the latter still has his eyes closed. “Are you talking to me?” he asks again, having regained his composure.

“Who else would I be talking to? We’re literally the only ones up here,” comes the reply as the reaper straightens up, opening his eyes and looking out to the view of the city. His forearms are rested on his thighs as his fingers thread loosely between his knees.

“I…” Johnny hesitated before continuing, “I’m not angry.” Pause. “I’m just…” another pause. “...wondering, how you did that.”

The reaper scoffs as he turns to meet Johnny’s eyes. “I’m literally a reaper, I _reap_. It’s in my nature to do it,” he explains with a shrug.

“No, no! That’s not what I meant,” Johnny blurts out a little to fast, his shoulders tensing.

The reaper quirks an eyebrow, finally showing a little hint of amusement before asking, “Then, what _did_ you mean, Mr. Guardian?”

Silence.

“I meant...” Johnny trails off, not sure how this would come out to sound. “...the way you just left, after reaping a newborn baby right in the mother’s arms,” he elaborates, cautious eyes trying to identify what emotion is displayed on the reaper’s face.

His eyebrows furrow again, gaze shooting daggers at Johnny. “What do you expect me to do? Cry with her like you did?” he asks, visibly irritated.

Johnny stays quiet, his honest curiosity suddenly feels intrusive.

Sighing, the reaper leans back on the bench and looks up to the sky, watching the birds flock over their heads and back to their nests. Johnny doesn’t miss the fleeting flash of disappointment before his face turns cold again.

“Look,” the reaper starts, simultaneously ending the few minutes of deafening silence. Johnny is still standing a few steps to the right of where he’s seated, careful with the distance.

“I’m a reaper, I’m set out to do this whole…” he paused, thinking. “...reaping thing for God knows how long,” he continues as he shifts his line of vision to the floor.  “So imagine if I start doing this whole...feeling thing while I’m at it, do you think I’d survive?” his eyes meet Johnny’s again, trying to get his point across.

But Johnny continues to remain quiet, timidly trying to hold eye contact.

“Being...this,” he gestures vaguely to himself before continuing, “is literally a punishment. So why would I punish myself even more with emotional attachments to these mortals?” It’s rhetorical, leaving Johnny even more speechless than he was before, if that’s even possible.

“I’m also just doing my job,” the reaper says with another sigh, voice laced with regrets while returning his gaze to the breathtaking view of the city, illuminated by the golden rays of sunset.

His hair looks so beautiful in this light.

“God knows what and how long it’d take for this to end and I just...” he trails of, removing a piece of hair out of his eye with his ring finger, his little pinky sticking out. “I just want to get this done and over with,” he finishes, failing to hide the hint of sadness in his voice.

Johnny knows that being a grim reaper is the biggest form of punishment for a sin committed in the past life. He also knows that a reaper has no memory of that past life, which he assumes at first, would make the punishment a little more bearable. But looking at it through this new perspective he’s gained from the reaper sitting right in front of him - whose name he doesn’t even know, _do reapers even have names?_ \- he realises that this particular element, is what makes it a punishment.

The ambiguity of it all - you’re constantly wondering _why_ you’re being punished, _how long_ will you be punished for, and _what_ would it take for the punishment to finally come to an end. And it could drive you insane because nobody really knows what the answers are. So, you either ride on the wave, or drown in it.

Johnny is staring again, eyes fixated on one particular strand of hair flailing on top of the reaper’s head.

 

“Well,” the reaper says after another stretch of silence, pulling Johnny back to reality. “It doesn’t seem like you’re gonna leave me alone anytime soon, so I’ll get going!” he adds sarcastically, already on his feet, making his way towards the metal door - the same one Johnny pushed shut a while ago - without sparing him another glance.

With a slow clunk of the door closing, the reaper is gone, leaving Johnny alone with his trail of thoughts.

 

\--

 

The stars are shining in the night sky, resembling spilt sugar over black shiny marble, as the moon stands proudly among the twinkling grains, casting its ethereal glow onto the Earth.

The nights are getting colder, a little too cold for a stroll in the park with just two layers of clothing, you’d need at least three. But there stands Johnny in just two, his wings shivering underneath his beige long coat, right next to a lamp post in the middle of _the_ park. The park he’d spent the majority of his childhood at, in the previous life. The park where most of the memories he gets to keep, had taken place - the most beautiful ones.

Johnny has always admired the night sky, never missing the chance to wish upon a shooting star, even in this lifetime. So, when he saw one while making his way through the very familiar route across the park, he halted his rhythmic steps to make a wish, hands clutched together and tucked underneath his chin with his eyes closed.  
  
  
_I hope the mother finds light in the loss of her child._

 

Eight minutes and 13 seconds later, Johnny finds himself sitting at his second favourite spot - on the beanbag right next to one of the windows, in apartment 06-03-12. He’s fallen into a habit of dropping by at this hour whenever he’s had a busy day, leaving that to be the only opportunity for him to see Donghyuck.

“I got scolded at school today, hyung,” the boy says, hand patting the blue whale lying next to him on the bed. The same whale Donghyuck gifted him on his 21st birthday. The same whale he hugged to sleep every night for almost three years, before _that_ accident happened. _Blue._

“I’m really bad at math,” he pauses. “If only you were still here to teach me,” the last few words are almost a whisper.

Johnny feels like his heart has just been ripped out of his chest, thrown onto the carpeted floor, and stomped on. It hurts so much because he  _is_ here, just not the _here_ his little brother longs for.

Even in the dark, the glisten of Donghyuck’s eyes is still visible to him as the boy tries to silence his choked sobs, thanks to the sliver of moonlight that spills into the dark room through the the crack of the curtain. 

It pulls at Johnny’s heart hearing those words, thinking about how even after three years, his little brother is still struggling to cope with the loss. Sometimes, he can’t help but blame himself for the accident - insisting that if he hadn't stayed back at the cafe that night after they had closed just to finish up his English Literature assignment, he would still be very much alive, and very much by Donghyuck’s side. 

But he isn’t the one with the power to turn back time, and he sure isn’t the one who has a say in who gets to live and who has to go.

So, he stays.

He stays until the sobbing subsides. He stays until Donghyuck finally drifts into a peaceful slumber, warm under the blanket with Blue tightly clutched to his chest.  
  
  
And he _will_ stay by Donghyuck’s side throughout this lifetime, just like he promised on the day he chose to become a Guardian, even when he knows full well that Donghyuck would never have a clue.

 

\--


	2. memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guardians get to keep the most beautiful memories from their past life, and Johnny is thankful for everything he gets to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want this to be a roller coaster of emotion. 
> 
> So, idk. Maybe read with **Everglow by Coldplay** on. Not necessary tho

Same bench, same rooftop, same spread of the city, around the same time.

Except, it’s colder and the bite of the wind is harsher, leaving Johnny’s cheeks flushed and eyes slightly wet. But he came prepared, three layers of clothing, his wings properly tucked away underneath a thicker jacket, keeping him warm, or at least not shivering.  
  
  
Maybe he’ll show up today.  
  
  
He’s thinking back to the little girl’s smile, whom he had saved as she slipped on the slippery footpath just around the lake. How? By manifesting a random rubber sandal underneath, right when her head was about to make contact with the surface. Three years of regular tasks in the Save mission, and he’s still very bad at covering his tracks.

“Hyung, you can’t just manifest random objects that aren’t supposed to be there just because you’re panicking. We’ve talked about this,” Doyoung had nagged right after.

“It’s better than floating her,” was his defence, making Doyoung sigh in defeat.

Both of them refused to acknowledge each other’s point.

There were scratches on the heel of her palm, but the sting was forgotten when a stranger’s labrador came licking at her face, drawing out pretty giggles instead of soft cries.

 _Cute._ Johnny chuckles to himself.

 

When the metal door creaks open, Johnny hears it, but his mind doesn’t register, too busy with his own thoughts. Not until it creaks the second time, louder, followed by the sound of footsteps. Johnny turns his head just in time to spot a familiar figure from the back, shoulders tensed. The black hat in sight gives it away. _The reaper._

“Hey!” he calls out, stopping the other in his track.

The huff is audible when the reaper finally turns around, eyes meeting Johnny’s with an unreadable expression. Annoyed? Probably.

“You came,” he blurts out while getting to his feet, immediately regretting every decision he’s made in this life and the previous one.

The reaper’s expression shifts, from annoyed to...confused?

“So, you’re creeping on me or what?” he says and whispers under his breath right after, “Creep.”

That sends Johnny into silence.  
  
  
_Wait. I’m not a creep, right?_  
  
  
No. He’s not going to admit that he’d been coming here every day last week, every other day this week, and had been waiting for the last two hours, hoping that the reaper would show up. And he’s certainly not going to admit to how the reaper’s behaviour in that labour room, and what he had said the other day on this very rooftop, haven’t left Johnny’s mind at all. It has been bothering him, keeping him up at night.

But he just can’t ignore these questions. He’s curious, okay.

As the Reaper walks over, he steps aside, letting the other know that he can have the seat - his seat.

“What do you want?” he asks, but doesn’t take the seat, eyeing Johnny with suspicion.

Johnny notes how the other stands a few centimeter shorter, the top of his head coming just right under his nose. His hair is trimmed, now a lighter shade. His many piercings, which Johnny can’t recall seeing from when they last met, on full display, each reflecting the sun that’s just about to dip below the horizon.

He’s even more beautiful than what Johnny can remember.

Only when the reaper opens his mouth again that he realises that he’s staring.

“I give you two seconds to say something, or I’m leaving,” he warns.

“No, wait! I...” he stumbles over his words. “I’m Johnny,” making up his mind and offering a hand, which only earns him a stare in return.

“Umm, this is where you tell me your name and shake my hand. And we become friends,” he adds nervously after moments of awkward silence, holding his hand a little higher.

“Friends?” the reaper asks, looking at Johnny’s hand, then back up.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

And his mind goes blank. _Why?_

“Umm, well. Uhh, I’m a guardian and you’re a reaper-”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,” he’s cut mid-sentence. “So, what I’m getting here is you’re fascinated by this whole punishment thing of me being a reaper, and that’s why we should become friends?” the reaper challenges, narrowing his eyes.

Johnny is taken aback, speechless, not sure if the Reaper is wrong.  
  
  
_Is that why?_  
  
  
The question has him sputtering, trying to defend himself, “It’s not like that!”

It was silent for a long whole minute, the reaper’s stare is starting to suffocate him.

Until he broke into a smirk.

“LOL. Chill, will you?” he teases before taking Johnny’s hand, shaking it once before letting go and taking the seat while looking out to the city, exactly like he did the other day.

Johnny can’t ignore the tingling in his palm where they touched, wondering if that was supposed to happen. It took him a while to snap out of it and hesitantly take a seat just next to the reaper, staring at the side of his face because _he hasn’t told me his name._

“If you’re still waiting for me to tell you my name, I’ll have you know that I don’t exactly have one,” the reaper answers as if reading his mind.  
  
  
_Oh. so they don’t have names?_  
  
  
“But call me Yuta, if you must,” he concludes, turning to look at Johnny who’s still a little dumbfounded. The corners of his lips tug up into a smile, but there’s no emotion behind it, Johnny observes. Just a mere movement.

However, the fact that the reaper, or Yuta, is giving him the time of day, kind of catches him off guard. Or maybe he should stop expecting the worst just because he’s a reaper.  
  
  
_I’m sure they aren’t that bad._

 

\--

 

Johnny stands right next to the bus stop, kicking the gravels off the footpath and onto the road. It’s exactly four minutes before bus 207 arrives. With new responsibilities that come with being the level 3 guardian, Johnny hasn’t had much time to do this anymore, especially these first few months that are filled with training sessions almost every week.

He looks up exactly four minutes later, spotting bus 207 slowing down in his direction before coming to a complete stop right in front of the bus stop.

Johnny is good with time. Well, with responsibilities like his, it’s a given. He kind of has to be. All guardians do. They can’t afford to be late, nor can they be earlier than they’re supposed to be at executing their tasks. Not even by a millisecond.

When the bus door opens and passengers start pouring out, Johnny’s eyes scan each kid in school uniform. Until he spots the familiar backpack he can never miss even from a distance. _His_ backpack, which looks a little too big on a 9-year-old boy who’s only 130cm in height, or maybe Donghyuck has grown a little taller over the last few months. Johnny can’t be sure, because his recents visits have only been the ones before Donghyuck goes to bed, sometimes after.  
  
  
_He’s still my baby brother, no matter how tall he grows._  
  
  
Johnny trails right behind Donghyuck, walking the familiar path he’s taken a thousand times in the past. It’s always the most beautiful in the spring, with cherry blossoms in full bloom. It’s cliche, and in all honesty, Johnny loves cliches. He’s always embraced that part of him, in this life and in the past.

When they reach the familiar glass door, Johnny’s heart does these little flips. He doesn’t come here often, but when he does, a surge of warmth courses through his whole body. Donghyuck pushes the door open and the bell dings, before stepping inside with Johnny following very close behind. Sure he can still get in without needing the door to be opened, but Johnny keeps his life as humanly as possible when he’s not working.

He still flies up to Donghyuck’s balcony, though. It’s just more convenient.

“Mama!” Donghyuck’s voice echoes as he walks into the main kitchen. Oh how Johnny misses uttering that sweet word and actually being heard.

They close at six on Fridays, so Mama Seo is in the back finishing up with cleaning, alone after the two staff clocked out. It used to be the two of them - Mama and Johnny.

_Used to be._

It’s still the same space filled with love and charm, something he doesn’t think he can ever get over. It’s not too big, but cozy enough to fit five round tables in the main space and a bar that sits five on the side. It’s beautiful, which explains why gets to keep the memory of this place in this lifetime.

But even if he doesn’t, he would still be able to tell that this place had meant something to him, or he had meant something to this place in the past. That little tribute section on the middle shelf would’ve given it away. There’s a framed picture of him right in the middle - wearing a white t-shirt with a blue plaid button-up draped over it, smiling shyly into the camera. He remembers exactly when it was taken, and who had taken it. It was his 21st birthday, right after Donghyuck had revealed the whale plushie to be his birthday present for Johnny, saying “I know hyung collects plushies, so I hope this will be your favourite” and the moment was captured by Dad, whom he had shared photography hobby and interests with.

There are multi-coloured sticky notes scattered around it. He figured they were written by those who had known him - those who had touched his life and those whose lives he had touched.  
  
  
“The brightest smile in the morning! Definitely a godsend.”  
  
  
“Johnny’s coffees were the best! I hope he’s serving the angels those of the same quality.”  
  
  
“Gone but never forgotten. Always so warm, always so kind ❤️”

 

When Donghyuck emerges from the main kitchen, an arm linked with Mama Seo’s, Johnny freezes. Sure he occasionally visits Donghyuck, but he rarely does his mother, and it’s for this particular reason. There’s this sinking feeling that he can never brush off whenever he sees his mother’s face. Is it longing? Pity? Guilt? He can’t say, for he’s not even sure himself. Maybe a little bit of everything.

Donghyuck helps with the last bits before they leave for home - aligning the tables and chairs as well as turning off all electrical appliances. Johnny helps too, that clock on the wall being slightly off skew is kind of bothering him, so he straightens it. And that's all he can do, really, without drawing too much attention.

 

\--

 

The walk home is pretty quiet, most of the shops are closing soon too. Donghyuck is walking beside Mama Seo, a hand in hers, while Johnny walks on his other side, just like old times.  
  
  
_Old times._  
  
  
“How was school today?” she asks, tilting her head to look at Donghyuck who’s looking up at her.

“Hmm, there was a quiz for English Language today. I think I did okay!” he replies cheerfully, making both Mama Seo and Johnny smile.

He remembers vividly how much Donghyuck enjoyed learning. Even when he was still very young, he would always linger around while Johnny was doing his homework or finishing up his assignments, whenever he went back home for the weekend. He remembers Donghyuck being particularly interested in the English Language, picking up one of Johnny’s many literature books before flipping through the pages, eyes full of wonder as he admired the words that were foreign to him, and the alphabet forming them.

Johnny started teaching him the alphabet when he had just turned four, and he caught on pretty fast. By the time he turned five, he was able to form simple sentences and converse with Johnny in English.

It’s their special little thing, a memory Johnny treasures the most, the one he keeps very close to his heart.

It’s just unfortunate that their time together wasn’t enough for him to teach Donghyuck more.

The rest of the walk home is filled with soft murmuring of Mama Seo and Donghyuck talking about mundane things. Oh how Johnny misses talking to his mother about anything and everything, like old times.  
  
  
_I miss you, Mama._

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it to the end of Chapter 2!!! Thank you so much for the time you've taken out of your much more interesting life to read this. And thank you so much for actually coming back and reading Chapter 2 omg it's such an honour!
> 
> I'm really happy I get to finish this one up exactly a week later! 
> 
> I hope you guys like it! Leave me a kudo if you do and let me know what you like and what you don't so I can improve in the future! 
> 
> Psstt...comments actually keep me motivated to keep writing since I lose interest in everything faster than Yuta could finish winking HAHA!


	3. fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Firstly, nobody’s gonna see us even if they come up here,” Johnny starts, emphasising on the ‘see’.
> 
> “Secondly, you’re gonna sit here and listen to me talk about this,” he pauses. “Since you don’t understand,” he continues, air quoting ‘don’t understand’.
> 
> “What?!” Yuta asks, wide eyes and raised brows, clearly very confused.
> 
> _Endearing._

Everything seems to freeze, except Johnny’s reeling mind, going a mile a minute.

His ears are ringing, his throat suddenly dry, his breathing feels constricted, as if his lungs are closing in on him. Is he hearing this right?

He’s out the automatic glass doors in seconds, barely running into them.

Doyoung hisses at the newly appointed level 3 guardian, Jungwoo, who’s frozen in his step, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, not knowing what to do other than watch the chaos unfold, though he was the one who broke the news. And then he’s running after Johnny, trying to grab for his arm to stop him, but to no avail. Johnny is too fast.  
  
  
“Hyung! You can’t do this, you have an assignment to supervise soon!”  
  
  
Johnny can hear Doyoung just right behind him, shouting for him to stop, but can’t bring himself to care. Not when he has some place to be, and he needs to be there _now_ before it’s too late. All of his conscience out the window, everything around him drowns.  
  
  
_It can’t be. It can’t be that bus!_  
  
  
His feet pound the tarmac, just as hard as his heart thumps in his chest. Cold sweat forming on his forehead and he’s feeling lightheaded. He can’t think straight, he just knows that he has to be there.

Halting his steps right at the said junction, with Doyoung stumbling into him before looping an arm around his for support, Johnny spots a group dressed in all black, standing on the other side of the road. If their hats are of any indication, he guesses them to be the reapers assigned to the task, each holding a black card, still folded, in their gloved hands.  
  
  
“Hyung!” Doyoung manages to wheeze as he tries to catch a breath. He was never made for sports, not in the past, not in this life, and probably not ever.  
  
  
Johnny looked on his side of the road, two guardians looking at them, perplexed. He and Doyoung are obviously not supposed to be here.  
  
  
“Hyung, you shouldn’t be interrupting this! You, out of all people would know that!” Doyoung is pulling at his arm, desperately coaxing him to leave the scene.  
  
  
Johnny glances at his watch, quickly doing the math. He has a minute and three seconds left.

But for what?!

What did he think he could do if he was here? He has no power over any of this, him being here is probably the worst thing to be happening right now. Is he going to stand and watch _it_ happen, then?  
  
  
“Please, you can’t do this, hyung. You know that,” Doyoung tries again, pleading.  
  
  
But Johnny sees it, the bus driving down the street, down to where it was said to happen - the junction.

 

Bus 207.

 

His eyes snap to the group of reapers, each of them unfolding the black card, making him feel sick to the stomach. He wonders which one of them has it, not bothering to look at the guardians, knowing full well that the two don’t have the name he wishes they do.

And just like that, it’s all screaming and crying, smoke and sirens, bodies and ruins.

Johnny falls to his knees, breaths shaky, with Doyoung still holding onto his arm with a vise-like grip.  
  
  
_It...happened._  
  
  
Only when he realises that he and Doyoung are the only ones left among the mortals, both dead and alive, that he snaps out of it. He gets back on his feet, taking slow steps towards the ruins with Doyoung following closely behind him. He doesn’t think the younger would leave him alone anytime soon, especially not like this.

The metallic smell of blood is too much, penetrating his nostrils he thinks he might faint. But he has to look for the one mortal he wishes to not find, here in this scene.

 

\--

 

“You’re frequenting this place now, huh?”  
  
  
Johnny freezes for a beat before scrambling to wipe the tears off of his face. He would recognise that voice anywhere by now, and who else would come up here and be able to see him?

Yuta.

Sure they’ve bumped into each other a few times here before - four out of the many times Johnny waited for Yuta to appear - but it isn’t comfortable enough to let the other see him like this, is it? Maybe not yet.  
  
  
“Man, what’s wrong with you?” Yuta asks, eyes wide as he comes face to face with Johnny.  
  
  
The red rimming his eyes might have given it away. Of course it has, he hasn’t stopped crying since he left Donghyuck’s room a little over an hour ago, not sure if it’s out of fear or relief. Maybe a good mix of both.

He keeps silent, not meeting Yuta’s gaze.

Only when the other takes the seat next to him on the bench that he lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Johnny quickly learns that Yuta is persistent. Or stubborn, sounds more fitting. The latter hasn’t stopped staring at the side of his face since he asked what was wrong, and it has been a good five minutes.

But he insists to not say anything.  
  
  
“You’re not gonna answer me?”  
  
  
Well, Johnny at least tried to. Because the next second, he breaks - his face all mushed up in his own palms, elbows resting on his knees, and he’s back to crying, the sobs punching hard through his chest. The tears are bursting forth like water from a dam and he knows they’re not going to stop anytime soon. His shoulders are shaking and his chest hurts too much.

The feelings are back, very raw, very real.

Not caring about how uncomfortable and awkward this would be for the rational Johnny later, he starts spilling with a muffled voice.  
  
  
“I thought I lost my brother, I really thought he was gone!” A sob. “I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if he really was, he’s literally the reason I chose to become a-” A hiccup. “-a guardian.” Another sob. “God! I can’t imagine if he really…really died in that accident. I’m supposed to...to watch over him,” he trails off, the last few words reducing to a whisper  
  
  
After what feels like forever that Johnny thought Yuta had upped and left, leaving him to weep on his own, only he starts to speak.  
  
  
“Yo, yo. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Please stop crying, people are gonna think I did something to you,” is what he says. And how Johnny wishes he had really upped and left.  
  
  
_No wonder he’s now a reaper._  
  
  
He finally manages to stop crying and pull himself together, fixing his hair and wiping away the streaks of tears. Taking a deep breath, he reminds himself that Yuta is nothing like him, that Yuta is literally the opposite of him, and that he can’t expect Yuta to understand any of this even if he tries to explain. All the while with Yuta still unabashedly staring from such a close proximity, examining.  
  
  
_Maybe feelings are really foreign to him._  
  
  
“Firstly,” Johnny starts, holding a finger up, “nobody’s gonna see us even if they come up here,” emphasising the ‘see’.  
  
  
“Secondly, you’re gonna sit here and listen to me talk about this,” he pauses. “Since you don’t understand,” he continues, air quoting ‘don’t understand’.  
  
  
“What?!” Yuta asks, wide eyes and raised brows, clearly very confused.  
  
  
_Endearing._  
  
  
_Are confused and angry the only things he knows to express with that pretty face._  
  
  
And Johnny mentally slaps himself at that. Why is he thinking about Yuta’s pretty face?!

 

\--

 

“I was going insane because I couldn’t find him. I kept checking, but none of the deceased were Donghyuck,” Johnny explains with exaggerated hand gestures, at the same time trying to ignore the obvious fact that Yuta only has his confused™️ face on throughout.  
  
  
“When Jungwoo suddenly descended at the scene and screamed about how he found Donghyuck at home, missing school due to a mild fever, my heart literally stopped,” he rambles.  
  
  
“And then all the air was back in my lungs and I could finally breathe again because what the hell, man!” Johnny paused to take a deep breath.  
  
  
“I don’t know how to explain what I felt but it was such a great relief. I don’t know if I should curse or thank Jungwoo, to be honest.”

Johnny was walking through the lobby after reporting to the headquarters, ready to leave for his next assignment, when Jungwoo scrambled out of one of the briefing rooms and into the hallway before rushing towards Johnny with an unreadable expression. He stopped right in front of Johnny, hunching over and out of breath, before proceeding to explain, using just keywords, in between pants, about the accident that was scheduled to happen.  
  
  
“Bus 207.”  
  
  
Pant.  
  
  
“Accident!”  
  
  
Another pant. Johnny’s eyes windened at that.  
  
  
“Junction 3/8, soon!”  
  
  
He took a deep breath before managing the last piece of information.  
  
  
“Donghyuck’s name isn’t with us,” and that had sent Johnny into panic, running out the door in a blink.  
  
  
But he had decided at some point when he was still in Donghyuck’s room, that it wasn’t fair to get angry at Jungwoo, and that it’s normal to get excited over the new accessibilities granted to level 3 guardians. So, he settles for thanking the younger, making a mental note to invite him for breakfast soon.

Johnny lets out a long sigh of relief. He feels a lot better after getting it out of his chest. Except, Yuta hasn’t said anything and his expression is now...blank?

He doesn’t know what to expect. This is the most they’ve talked next to all their previous meetings put together. Well, the most _he_ has talked, since Yuta had only uttered a handful of words to him today.  
  
  
“You love him.” Yuta finally says monotonously, catching Johnny off-guard.  
  
  
“That’s why you’re scared of losing him, right?” he asks, the last word barely audible.  
  
  
Johnny slowly nods twice, before confirming in his head, _feelings are really foreign to him._

 

\--

 

Johnny pushes on his heels, swinging his body weight back and forth on the only swing in the park he can fit himself onto. Barely.

There’s no wind tonight, just a quiet, starless sky and his own twinkling eyes in the middle of a park at ass o’clock. He should be heading home soon, but everything that had happened today deserves a moment to ponder upon.

Losing Donghyuck, or even his mother, was something he never thought about since he became a guardian. He thought that with his abilities, he would be able to keep them safe. But what does safe even mean here?

Death isn’t exactly unsafe. It’s souls going back to where they belong. And after death, if you’re to cross the bridge, you do. If you’re given the option to become a guardian, you choose. If you’re to be punished as a reaper, you take it with dignity.

Maybe he never thought about losing them, because they lost him first.

 

Yuta.

He didn’t think Yuta would be so estranged from the idea of feelings, the idea of compassion. Johnny can’t get it out of his head - the way Yuta looked so confused processing Johnny's fear of losing Donghyuck, and how it dawned on him that loving someone leads to not wanting to lose them, especially not to death.

For someone who is very emotional, this part of Yuta fascinates him.

 

Johnny is a lover.

And he’s sure he had been one in his past life too. It was a conclusion he came to when Doyoung had asked him once, “How do you remember so much from your past life? It’s like you remember the whole thing.”

Johnny, a believer that love is what makes life beautiful.

For guardians to be able to keep the most beautiful memories from their past life when they reincarnate, and for him to remember almost everything from his, it’s the only way to explain it. He must’ve loved life and everyone around him immensely.

And if the little tribute in the middle shelf at the cafe is anything to go by, he was immensely loved too.

 

He wonders if Yuta had loved in his past life, had known compassion.  
  
  
_Of course he had. It’s only natural as a human._  
  
  
He wonders if Yuta could re-learn compassion.

He wonders, too, if Yuta could re-learn to love.

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy the roller coaster ride? sgdajsdkla 
> 
> Sorry (not really) if I scared you there for a moment. Thank you for reading, leave me a kudo if you like it! And please do comment on anything you think I can improve!
> 
> Come say hi, I'm **sechanlovebot** on twitter!


	4. unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is that, like…” he tries to probe further. “...your memory or something?”
> 
> “I don’t even know, Johnny.”

Johnny is seated on a cushioned navy blue chair, a large white table in front of him. The morning sun filters through the window wall of the meeting room, reflecting on the shiny tiled floor, making the space so bright it mismatches the tension looming above his head.

“Why did you do that, Mr. Seo?” Taeil asks from across the table, his voice flat, but his gaze firm it’s almost patronising. 

Johnny was notified with a little ‘compulsory’ tag, first thing in the morning about the one-to-one meeting with his Executive Advisor, Moon Taeil, a level 7 guardian. He knew this was coming, he knew it when he was dashing out of the lobby, he knew it when he was standing at the junction, he knew it when he searched for his brother among the bodies, it was there at the back of his mind. But he only bothered to care when his conscience fully restored, as he was flying down Donghyuck’s balcony yesterday.

He also knew he had no defence against whatever accusation he was about to face.

 

“Being a guardian may be a reward, but we have rules to follow,” Taeil had said to him on his first day.

 

Looking down at his hands, fingers threading loosely in his lap, he stays quiet. There is no good answer to that question. He, at least, doesn’t have them.

 

“You know you practically can’t _lose_ him, right?” Taeil’s voice softer now.

 

He has been with Johnny since day one, a man so mellow with a lot to give - knowledge, wisdom and care. He was in level 3 when he mentored Johnny throughout his early days, in level 4 when he supervised Johnny’s first group assignment, in level 5 when he guided Johnny through his first Life mission assignment, and just started in level 7 when he recommended for Johnny’s level-up to level 3.

So, he knows. He knows everything.

He knows why Johnny was given the option, why Johnny had chosen to become a guardian, and how long Johnny had decided to serve for. He’s like the older brother Johnny never had, and he understands why Johnny did what he did. But that doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.

Johnny nods once, so subtly that if Taeil wasn’t paying enough attention, he would’ve missed it.

Yes. He does know he can’t _lose_ Donghyuck. Not literally.

But his concern is bigger than just that. His concern is his mother losing another son - another family member. He hates thinking about not being able to watch over her anymore. His concern is his mother being left alone, lonely. Because if Donghyuck was gone, he, too, would be gone.

And he had seen enough tears and sleepless nights the first year he was gone, and the first few months his father had passed, to ever put the woman he loves with his whole being, through such pain again.

The decision of becoming a guardian comes with the opportunity to determine your own period of service, and Johnny had chosen for himself to serve until Donghyuck’s last breath, wanting to make up for the very little time he got with the brother in his past life. It was barely five years, while Johnny was busy juggling university and helping at the cafe.

“It wasn’t just Donghyuck,” Johnny says, finally looking up, his eyes glazed with tears.

“I know,” Taeil cuts him before he can explain any further. “But I assure you, one of us would be watching over her if-” he pauses. “...if you were gone,” his tone now pitiful.

It’s silent for a moment. Johnny doesn’t have anything to say, because he knows it’s the truth.

“We’re lucky I was free then,” Taeil consoles, his gaze softening.

 

_We._

 

Johnny has always known, but he’s hit again with the fact that Taeil will always, _always_ have his back.

“Thank you, hyung. I don’t know what would’ve happened if it wasn’t for you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad Hyuck is fine,” Taeil responds with a comforting smile.

 

“Will anything happen to Jungwoo?”

 

He’s worried about the younger who’s just starting in level 3, and this case would most definitely affect his probation record. Johnny can’t let that happen when he was just trying to help, though it was still not the right thing to do. Jungwoo’s own clumsiness is enough to take off the maximum points allowed to be able to pass the probation period.

Taeil scoffs and shakes his head. “No, I’ve taken care of it. It’s all good now.” 

They exchange relieved smiles. It’s simple, but Johnny knows what it means. It means that if it happens again, his position isn’t the only one at risk.

 

\--

 

Three days later finds Johnny arriving at the rooftop, Yuta already there, standing by the safety railing. It’s really becoming their meeting spot at this point, though they never plan it. But Yuta is early today, and something seems off.

He’s standing with his head down, hair disheveled and his fingers splayed across his temples, massaging them like he’s trying to sooth a headache. His other hand is gripping the top railing so tight his knuckles turn white.

Johnny walks over slowly, not wanting to frighten him. When he places a hand on Yuta’s shoulder, the latter flinches like it burns.

“Hey, is everything okay?” he asks, worry lacing his voice.

Yuta isn’t answering him. He doesn’t even seem to hear it, busy rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms a little too roughly and letting out soft grunts. Johnny catches him just in time as he stumbles backwards, almost falling on his butt.

 

“Hey, why don’t we take a seat first.”

 

He drags Yuta to their usual bench before letting the smaller slump into the seat. It’s quiet, save for his heavy breathing as he continues rubbing his eyes and murmuring something Johnny can’t decipher.

Once he’s a little calmer, Johnny kneels down in front of him, coming to his eye level. He hesitates before taking one of Yuta’s hands in his and rubbing the knuckles in the effort of comforting him. That seems to catch Yuta’s attention, finally meeting Johnny’s eyes, his own a little red from all the rubbing. And--

 

_Wow._

 

Johnny’s breath hitches. In the back of his mind, he’s debating whether this is all appropriate. But Yuta’s eyes are _absolutely_ captivating as they glow in the evening sun, that Johnny almost misses the tingling sensation right where they’re touching, similar to that of when they shook hands the first time on this rooftop, not too long ago. Almost.

Yuta’s skin is pale, the colour of a moonbeam, and Johnny wonders how soft it would feel under his fingertips. It makes his plush pink lips stand out, those that pout and remind Johnny of a rose bud. Freckles scatter across the bridge of his nose, drawing attention to the perfect slope. But the calculating coldness in the centre of his dark orbs is what draws Johnny in the most.

An involuntary gasp escaped his lips before he regains composure and asks, “Are you feeling okay?”

Yuta furrows his eyebrows, like he’s trying to remember something, before inhaling sharply.

 

“I…” he starts, shifting on the bench. “I’m seeing weird things.”

 

It’s a long pause until Johnny gives him an assuring nod to continue, squeezing his hand to let him know that he can trust him, in which Yuta squeezes back.

 

“I saw myself from someone else’s eyes. I don’t know whose it was, but my chest hurts whenever I - this person - looked at me, called my name.”

 

His free hand clutches his own black t-shirt, just right below the neckline, probably where it hurt when that happened. He closes his eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

Johnny isn’t sure if he should push on the topic any further, or if there’s anything he can say to make the reaper feel better. Blinking a few times, he takes a proper seat next to Yuta on the bench, their hands still connected. Occasionally, he squeezes the other’s hand as they sit in silence, looking out to the city and breathing in the evening air.

 

\--

 

“Tell me again.”

 

“Hmm?” Johnny’s turns to look at Yuta, trying to find context of what he’s asking after that long silence.

 

The reaper is already looking at him, eyes clearer than they were just a few minutes ago. Johnny’s slightly irked that out of everything he’s heard of reapers, nobody told him about this - about how beautiful a reaper could be. Because every time he looks at Yuta, the lilac-haired looks even more beautiful than he could remember.

He has to clear his throat before trying to clarify, “Tell you what?”

 “About your brother. About being scared to lose him to-” he pauses. “To death.”

 The last bit comes out so soft, almost guilty and Johnny notices the way Yuta’s hand twitches as he looks down to his shoes.

 

“Oh.”

 

And Johnny tells him again. This time calmer and clearer. Yuta seems completely absorbed, eyes boring into Johnny’s, making the guardian nervous. Too scared to get lost in those eyes, he diverts his gaze a few too many times.

“Is he the reason you chose to become a guardian?” Yuta cuts in the middle of his sentence.

Johnny blinks and nods.

Yuta smiles, it’s subtle but this time it doesn’t feel empty. It’s warm and genuine.

 

“What made you a guardian?”

 

Johnny’s eyes widen. He hasn’t answered that question in so long, the last being that time Doyoung had asked him, when the younger first joined them almost two years ago. To be honest, it was never something he cares to remember. It doesn’t feel important because he didn’t really know what he did, nor did he know the man he supposedly saved. But he thinks it wouldn’t hurt to tell Yuta.

When Johnny was presented with two paths - crossing the bridge to human reincarnation or becoming a guardian - he was beyond confused, because he knew enough that the only reason anyone could be given this opportunity was by saving a life. And he didn’t remember doing so in that lifetime, until they showed him.

It was one of those nights that he stayed back at the cafe, a regular occurrence every time they neared the end of a semester with piling assignments and studying to do for the exams. A man shivering in the winter night air, knocking on the glass door had distracted him from robotically typing away on his laptop. Johnny being the optimist that he was, had invited the complete stranger in to sit with him by the fireplace in one corner of the cafe, even made him a cup of tea. There wasn’t much to what they talked about, Johnny was too focused on finishing the dissertation that was due by the end of the week. But he did find out that the stranger was called Lee Taeyong, and they were of the same age.

“So you stopped a certain Lee Taeyong from attempting suicide?” Yuta asks, almost a whisper after Johnny told him that.

 “That’s what they told me. Because apparently the discussion we had after I made him read my work had flipped a switch in him,” Johnny explains with a shrug.

 

A dissertation titled ‘Self-sufficiency & The Purpose of Living”.

 

Yuta’s eyes actually twinkle that Johnny thinks he’s seeing things.

 

“I remember you saying you don’t actually have a name,” Johnny changes the topic. “Is that for all reapers?”

 

Yuta raises his eyebrows before nodding.

 

“Then why Yuta?”

 

The reaper seems to freeze at that question, his hand tightens around Johnny’s. Oh, they still have their hands in each other’s and Johnny is just noticing this again. He wonders if Yuta actually pays any mind to it.

 

“I...I didn’t know it was my name,” Yuta stutters. “Until today, just now.”

 

After Yuta’s first ever assignment as a reaper, he heard it in his sleep that night - someone calling out the name. _Yuta._ It sounded like two young boys running around in an open field, laughing and giggling. Or was it the waves crashing on the shore? He can’t really remember.

But the name committed itself to Yuta’s memory, and he just mindlessly used it.

Today, after delivering a soul he reaped, his vision started to blur making him drop the china in hands to break on floor. He found himself on the hospital rooftop in just seconds, both his head and chest in excruciating pain. With eyes closed, he saw a young boy he could recognise as his young self, probably around 15, sitting at a table in some library. A school library? But he was playing around, being mischievous and bothering some other students he assumed were his friends. Until a voice, the voice of this person whose eyes he’s looking through, called out that same name, Yuta. The moment he saw his young self turned to look in the direction of the voice, it felt like someone was puncturing his chest with hundreds of needles all at the same time.

 

“So…you just found out that you actually _are_ Yuta?” Johnny inquires.

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“Is that, like…” he tries to probe further. “...your memory or something?”

 

“I don’t even know, Johnny.”

 

Things are starting to jumble with Johnny’s knowledge of reapers not having any memory of their past lives. Maybe they’re starting to jumble with Yuta’s too.

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you find this chapter?
> 
> Sorry I've been slacking and it's only chapter 4! I'll try and do better xx


	5. flashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This soul has a mother waiting for him at home, she’s cooking his favourite meal._
> 
>  
> 
> _This soul has a son to be born in three hours, the wife is in labour._
> 
>  
> 
> _This soul has two younger sisters who depend on her for living._
> 
>  
> 
> _This soul, someone loves this soul, and that someone doesn’t want to lose him...to death._

They had decided to meet at 8am. Johnny arrived 30 minutes earlier, sitting by the large window, people-watching. It’s just his thing, being early. He’s finished a cup of coffee, but he can always do another few throughout the day. Being a guardian, caffeine doesn’t really do anything, it’s just a habit that stuck with him into this lifetime. He watches the mortals float through the morning rush - walking briskly to the subway stations, crossing the busy roads and boarding the busses.

Doyoung arrives at eight on the dot, and that too, is just his thing, pretty obsessed with being _on time_. Sometimes, Johnny worries about how uptight he could get, but he knows the younger is more than capable to look out for himself. Doyoung joins him people-watching.

 

“I showed him where his mother was, once,” Doyoung points to the young man in a purple shirt and a grey pair of dress pants, dashing through like he’s late for something. “He lost her at last year’s cherry blossom festival, for about ten minutes.”

 

Doyoung remembers every mortal he’s assigned to, every face he encounters, and Johnny adores him for it.

Neither of them bothers to ask where Jungwoo is, though it’s now quarter past eight, because being late is Jungwoo’s thing. He either can’t find one shoe, or gets lost. Either way, his clumsy self makes him late to almost everything.

 

“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Doyoung asks instead.

 

Johnny looks up to the other and raises an eyebrow, “Since when do you need permission?”

 

Doyoung may be the younger one between the two, but the gap is too small for either of them to care. The use of honorific is really just because.

 

“Where do you go after assignments? I don’t see you in the reading room often anymore.”

 

It only dawned on him now that Doyoung mentioned it. Everyone knows to find him there if he wasn’t on duty, nose always buried in books, a new read almost every day. He really hasn’t been to the reading room as often anymore, not even to the headquarters unless he has some reporting to do. Most of the reading he does these days is on the rooftop as he anticipates for the reaper to appear.

 

“Oh, I’ve just been meeting a friend,” he replies mindlessly, before processing his own words and regretting them.

 

“Friend who?”

 

Johnny doesn’t get to panic because that’s when the bell above the cafe entrance chimes loudly. They both turn to see a certain level 3 guardian bursting through the door and running in their direction. Of course Jungwoo has to arrive in his classic fashion of panting and out of breath, face red from adrenaline. He’s 40 minutes late but the two just brush it off since they don’t have to be anywhere until later. It was to be expected, anyway.

 

“What makes you late this time, Jungwoo?” Doyoung asks trying to sound intimidating as the latter pulls out the vacant chair and takes a seat. Johnny has bite onto his bottom lip, trying to not snicker because Doyoung’s attempt is obviously failing.

 

Everyone who has eyes could see how fond he is of Jungwoo. Well those who could see existences like them, of course. The day Jungwoo was introduced in front of the conference room along with three others, it was half a year after Doyoung’s time. When he was trying to get to know Jungwoo, though, he always pretended to be so cold and mean.

 

_“Stop being so mean to the kid! Sometimes I really wonder how you ended up a guardian,” he had teased once._

 

_“I told you,” Doyoung whines. “I fed this one stray cat back in college for like, three years straight. I saved a life too, okay?”_

 

It was a whole lot of entertainment for Johnny to watch. But the character broke three weeks in as he learned how timid the other was, and that it reminded him of his own younger brother. He became protective afterwards.

They found their common ground.

 

“Oh, sorry. I actually overslept,” Jungwoo answers, his smile apologetic. There’s no way Doyoung doesn’t fall for that and the puppy eyes that go along with it. He’s literally never gotten mad at Jungwoo, and he certainly isn’t going to start now.

 

According to Doyoung, this cafe specifically, the one that overlaps with a cafe of its own in the mortal world, serves the best pastries he has ever tried in the two lifetimes he remembers, that he’d become a regular since a year ago. So they settle into ordering, more coffee for Johnny, tea for the other two and a spread of pastry varieties.

Johnny takes the opportunity to finally voice his thanks to Jungwoo, and also mentioning how the younger should never do that again, risking his own position as a guardian.

 

“Don’t worry about it, hyung. I’m sorry I gave you the wrong information, though.”

 

“ _Incomplete_ information, it wasn’t entirely wrong,” Doyoung corrects, earning himself a small smile.

 

“But really, Jungwoo, thank you so much. I appreciate it,” Johnny concludes, raising a hand to rest on Jungwoo’s shoulder, an affirming gesture.

 

\--

 

It’s borderline torture, waking up every morning with a throbbing in his head, and a tightening in his chest. Having the images haunting him throughout the nights and sometimes flashing through his eyes even when he’s wide awake, in the daylight, is leaving Yuta beyond confused.

Whose eyes is he looking through? Whose voice is he hearing? Why is he seeing, feeling all of this? What does this all mean?

Every day he would wake up, feeling like his head would explode, and it’s been two weeks. But life goes on, and his duty as a reaper isn’t to be abandoned.

Nothing has changed in his daily routine. He would retrieve his daily cards and go about his assignments, unfolding each black card when the time comes and pulling out the respective white string, an invitation for the soul to come with him to the tea house. But the dread would start to trickle once he’s standing in there, back facing the soul he has invited, as he brews the ‘tea of oblivion’.

Lately, he hasn’t been able to get the things Johnny had told him - the things he asked Johnny to tell him again the other day - out of his head.

 

_Scared of losing the people you love, to death._

 

Presenting the tea of oblivion to the souls he’s delivering seems to get harder and harder every day. His hands would tremble, his stomach would sink, his breath would hitch in his throat, and sometimes his eyes would sting.

 

_This soul has a mother waiting for him at home, she’s cooking his favourite meal._

 

_This soul has a son to be born in three hours, the wife is in labour._

 

_This soul has two younger sisters who depend on her for living._

 

_This soul, someone loves this soul, and that someone doesn’t want to lose him...to death._

 

And the hardest part would unravel once they are delivered, the timber door closing behind them with a click.

Yuta has picked up the timing. He knows to take a seat or hold onto something before it happens.

Because then his sight would start clouding, soon everything going black and the next thing he sees, is through those pair of eyes.

He’s seen his younger self hunched at the canteen table, eating, studying in the library, running in the middle of the field, chasing a ball, and even laying on the grass, pointing at the clouds resembling different shapes above him, all giggly. Whoever these eyes belong to, they surely spent a lot time with him. And even when there are other people around, the focus of this pair of eyes seems to always be on him.

But he hates it too much when hears that voice, uttering the name.

 

_“Yuta.”_

 

Sometimes it’s monotonous, sometimes it’s questioning, sometimes it’s whispered as light as the feathers, sending goosebumps through his body, and sometimes it’s screamed at the top of their lungs.

And every single time, the unbearable pain would shoot through his chest, making it hard for him to breathe, to think, to feel anything, anywhere else. The pain would completely take over him. It gets worse and worse the next time it happens, that sometimes he feels like he’s going to collapse.

 

However, one thing is certain, he’s really _Yuta._

 

\--

 

The next time Johnny sees Yuta, it’s on that rooftop again, and Yuta is early, again. Except, he isn’t standing, nor is he sitting on the usual bench. Instead, he’s sprawled on the floor, body twisted awkwardly with an arm trapped under his own body weight, hair tangled up in knots like he’d been pulling on it, and a shoe missing, unconscious.

 

_Oh my God!_

 

Johnny hasn’t seen him in almost a month after that day, though he kept coming up here whenever he had time. It’s just that the other never showed up. So, this isn’t the reunion he was expecting. But he doesn’t have time to dwell on that because right now, he’s scared as hell.

 

_How dare he finally shows up but like this?_

 

He takes a few long strides towards the limp body before kneeling down beside him, checking if he’d hit his head anywhere. But the moment he touches Yuta’s skin, it isn’t just the tingle that he feels. The reaper is ice cold. It doesn’t match today’s decent weather at all.

Johnny hisses at the sensation.

When he pushes the hair off of the smaller’s forehead to get a better look at his face, he’s met with skin so pale he didn’t think it was possible. Yuta is already pale to begin with, even when he’s completely conscious. Johnny would know since he hasn’t forgotten that time he saw the man up close and personal the other day, the image tattooed on the inside of his eyelids. But right now, his lips are blue, and there’s a thin film of sweat covering his forehead and the expand of his exposed neck.

With shaky hands, Johnny pulls the arm out from under him and pulls half of Yuta’s body onto his lap. He rubs the sides of the Yuta’s neck, face, and even blow hot air into his palms in an attempt to warm the other up, though he knows how much that would help. Barely.

 

“Yuta! Yuta!” he calls, lightly tapping on his cheeks but to no use.

 

He wonders how long Yuta has been laying out here, and he thinks he needs to get Yuta warmed up really soon. But the doesn’t know what to do and where to go.

A few more minutes of panicking land him on the decision of asking Doyoung for help. He pulls out his little console and push the button 2. Doyoung is 2. Yuta is still halfway on his lap, still frozen, almost literally. It only takes a few beats for the younger to arrive, running out the closed metal door, a little out of breath. And he has company.

 

Jungwoo.

 

They probably had an assignment together.

 

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Doyoung asks immediately as he looks up, trying to recover his breathing.

 

“That’s a reaper!” Jungwoo shrieks from behind him, stepping forward to get a closer look before confirming with a smaller voice, “Yeah, it definitely is.”

 

Doyoung is looking at him with eyes so big they might pop out. But Johnny sees where it’s coming from.

He has a limp, unconscious body on his lap, on the rooftop of some hospital, and it’s confirmed to be a reaper.

But he doesn’t have time for explanation right now. He just needs to know what to do with Yuta, and his mind doesn’t work very well when panic is in the equation. So he asks Jungwoo, who ironically looks the calmest among them.

 

“I would suggest we take him somewhere even warmer,” comes his simple answer.

 

“Home?”

 

That has Doyoung’s face distorting even more. But no objection is heard.

 

Instead, “I-is this the friend?”

 

Johnny meets his eyes, and nods hesitantly before scrambling to his feet and lifting Yuta up with him alongside Jungwoo.

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally don't know what to say, but I hope you guys panicked like Ali did.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR STILL READING THIS FIC!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> About updates, I'm planning to do it **fortnightly** since I spend most of my time working my life away in the office, leaving me with just a few hours daily to actually sit and write, some days none at all. 
> 
> As the story progress, more characters and additional tags will be introduced.
> 
> Let me know what you think! I'm **sechanlovebot** on twitter if you wanna come say hi or leave something in my CC!


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